I think I should have made “Write in a timelier fashion” one of my resolutions. But I think I needed some time to think about West Hollow, maybe even needed to completely finish the assignment first.
My assignment in West Hollow was difficult for two different reasons: what I don’t understand and what I understand far too well. Father, no matter how many assignments You give me, no matter how many eons pass… I still don’t understand how some human beings can be so cruel. During one of my visits back, Erica asked me to go with her when she had to testify. I saw Ted. And I saw that he still had absolutely no regard for her and not any regret for the pain he caused her and Ruby, April, Molly, Laura, Brigid, Taryn, and the townspeople, especially Jonah. I have seen terror. And I have seen shame… shame felt by victims who did absolutely nothing wrong. I’ve seen grief and desperation and it breaks my heart. When Erica was on the stand and crying as she recalled the rape, I wanted to hug her and tell her how proud I was of her and how loved she is. And Ted just sat there and glared and leered.
I believe with all my heart that those women will continue to be the strong, caring women they’ve always been. I know You’re with them. I know You’re with Ted, too. And maybe that makes it even more difficult for me to understand why there are men like him. I’m very grateful that I was able to help Erica, Jonah, and others in West Hollow but I dread ever having another assignment like that. Please help me, Father, when I do. I just want to do Your will and share Your love always. No matter how hard it is at times.
Thank You for allowing the girls to come. You and I both know that I wasn’t happy about it at first but I know they were right and You were right. But knowing that doesn’t make what I felt go away. Father, I feel like in some way You’ve entrusted them to me. And it doesn’t feel the same as when You give me an assignment. This is different and deeper. I want to protect them. But I know that I can’t always. Laja assured me that I protect the parts of her that are most important: her soul and her spirit. I hope I do for the others, too, when they need me to. But sometimes it’s very, very difficult to know that I might not always be able to protect them physically. You know that one of the most difficult parts of being an angel of death is the inability to intervene. Sometimes it’s nearly unbearable with assignments I haven’t even met. But for it to be a friend… please, Father, help us if it ever came to that. I know You would never cause something like that to happen but free will… it can change things. I remember after I got promoted, You told me that sometimes it would be difficult to understand how people abuse that gift. It is. But You also said that there would be no love, no friendship without it. I hope I always remember that.
I know I might not see Jonah, Erica, and the others for a long time. I hope when I do that they’re in even better places than they are now and I hope they still recognize that You are always with them and always loving them. From early October until Christmas Eve, You let me have a place in their lives. I feel really blessed that I was able to spend time with them. I’ll miss them but I know they’re still in Your hands.