I wonder if I’ll ever get used to having a lowercase home? It’s really great.
When I got back to Dyeland I didn’t feel like talking about what happened the last few days but I think I need to. Laja suggested I reclaim this blog but move it into private mode. So I did. I know I’ll still keep up with my real journals but sometimes this will be easier.
Coming back to Dyeland after an assignment is always a great experience for me. I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I find myself comparing it to when I’d show up during an assignment with Monica and Tess. I know I shouldn’t have taken it personally but sometimes the disappointment on their faces hurt. I know I made the same expression when I was a caseworker and saw Adam or another angel of death. I regret that. But with Dyeland… it’s a whole different ballgame. Instead of bracing myself to see that look, I end up physically bracing myself for a massive, running start hug. It’s great. I’m very, very thankful the Father brought me here.
Sometimes I think He had other ideas in mind, too. Getting to know the people here has made me a better angel. Being their friend has prepared me for some of my assignments. My most recent one was working at a clinic specializing in treatment of people with eating disorders. It’s not that I was ever insensitive about the topic. At least I hope I wasn’t. I don’t think any angel, especially an angel of death, can be. But it’s different when you’ve personally felt that anger and frustration and worry and you’re trying to make sense of the fact that you love this person so much but they just can’t seem to see it. Or you wonder if they do see it but it’s just not enough. Then you begin to realize that nothing you do or say can save them if they won’t save themselves. Then you feel helpless. And you start to get angry at them. I hope those memories and those old feelings helped me to help the patients and their loved ones.
Father, I’m so thankful that right now everyone here seems to be doing pretty well. Please keep them safe and thanks for bringing me back here.
