This is one area of JABB’s web site that I’m having a really hard time carrying on with. It’s not that I don’t want to. Frankly, this blog is really convenient for me when I need to look back and see what was happening for Andrew and the Dyelanders at a given time. So I don’t want to give it up.
But maybe because it’s so tied to Andrew’s thoughts and assignments, aspects that are canonical TBAA and not apocryphal Dyeland, I’m just having a hard time beginning Andrew’s first post following John Dye’s death. I kept telling myself that “This weekend I’m going to update Andrew’s blog” but each weekend passes without it really seeming right.
I’m sure eventually I’ll feel up to it. Heck, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and decide then’s the time to carry on with this blog. But, then again, it could be several weeks out. I don’t know.
The conclusion I’ve come to is this: there was most assuredly a John Dye without Andrew. And while he wasn’t an angel, by all accounts John was a fellow human who we should be proud to consider one of our own. And I am.
But there was no Andrew without John Dye. I can think of John apart from Andrew. But I can’t think of Andrew apart from John. And so it’s just a little difficult to hop on here and try to give voice to the deepest parts of a character that only John could really bring to life without just feeling so sad.
And, to be honest, maybe part of my hang-up is that the last time I was so merrily typing away as Andrew, unbeknown to me, John was already dead. Reading that entry now, I don’t even remember writing it. It seems written by another person, in another time.
So that’s where I am in this. It’ll come back at some point. I just don’t know when. I just know I’m grateful to have been so inspired by John Dye’s work and to still feel that inspiration even if, for now, I need to take care with where I focus it.