Apathy and betrayal

Dear Father,

I wanted to write earlier.  Speaking to You always helps but sometimes I need to sit down and write it out, too.  But first I wanted to thank You.

Thank You for a child’s understanding and curiosity.  A few weeks ago Shelby came to my place because she wasn’t picking up on counting money and wanted my help.  Thank You for letting me help her and thank You for the help she gave me.  It seems funny that one little girl and one shiny penny could cheer me up but they did.

Thank You for all the women in my life.  Yesterday at their Mother’s Day lunch, one of the kids at the Phoenix asked if I had a mother and I told them about You, in a way.  But it made me think about how I’m surrounded by so many women who bear the qualities the kids were listing off when they spoke of their mothers.  The unconditional love, nurturing, patience, creativity, and strength they all have and share with all of us is amazing.  I hope my small gesture helped them to know how much I appreciate everything about them.

Thank You for the dedicated people who serve and protect those in their community.

That brings me to my last assignment.  It was a complete change from the Spanish tutoring assignment in Georgia.  I think I really helped people there.  But in Denver… I’m not so sure.

Normally I love being a caregiver.  It’s how I met Cora and I’ve had so many other memorable assignments while working those cases.  I guess this is another memorable one but not for reasons I want and I know it’s not what You want, either, Father.

Why would someone take advantage of and scam elderly, sick people who relied on them?   Who trusted them?  How could they hurt or neglect them instead of taking time and the resources entrusted to them to see to their needs?  How could someone be so cold that the hurt they caused didn’t seem to impact them at all?

I thought Lana seemed like a really nice lady.  But then when I spent more time working with the people she was supposed to be watching over…  One lady, Mina, cried whenever I left and I thought it was just the dementia.  Why didn’t I know Lana was hurting her?   Sometimes I don’t understand why You tell me some things but not others.  I’m not doubting you, Father, but it is so hard.

Now  Lana has been caught and she’ll pay for what she did.  And I hope she makes restitution for all the money she pocketed instead of used to help the people she was designated to watch over.  But even if she does pay it all back, she’s caused so much confusion and pain and guilt in people who trusted their parents, grandparents, patients, etc. with her.  Before I took him Home, Gordon told me he was worried his daughter would beat herself up over what happened.  Please help her to know she couldn’t have known.  Lana put up a good show.  I even fell for it.

I know one thing.  I wasn’t doubting my decision to age alongside my friends.  But if I was, this would have stopped all those doubts.  As long as You allow it, I’m going to.  I want to be able to be as present as possible for my friends.  I hope I can protect them from people like Lana.  I have to.

For right now, I’m happy to be in Dyeland, surrounded by them.  I think I’ve laughed more in a few hours with them than I did in that entire two weeks I was away.  I hope they always know how much I love them.

I hope the people I left behind in Denver will be surrounded by just as much love as they heal and learn to trust again.



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