AndrewBlog

Dear Father,

Thank you for answering my prayer.  I was so angry on Wednesday but by yesterday I felt it melting away.

First, Mr. H—– was taken into custody and the police assured us he won’t be coming back to the shelter.  As the days have gone by I knew something was terribly wrong with that family but whenever I tried to talk to Melody she shut me out.   I think when he hit Jason that was the last straw for her.  I still cringe when I think about how long she must have kept quiet about her own abuse but now she and her children are healing and surrounded by people who care for them.  I’ll never understand how people can hurt others, especially those they’re supposed to and even do love.  But I do understand compassion and friendship and Melody and the kids are surrounded by both now.

And so am I.  Yesterday Mick drove some of our friends here.  It was great.  We had lunch at what Laja deemed a “cutesy, retro diner” and then they all came to the shelter to help me put the donations away.  It lightened my mood a lot.  I’m feeling pretty amused by the idea that Eben’s big prank resulted in a fun lunch at a diner and donations to the homeless.  I love the way You work, Father.

Now, as You promised, I’m headed back to Dyeland for the weekend and grateful for that.  Monday I’ll return to the shelter feeling more relaxed, more grateful, and ready to help as many people as You send to us.

Love,

Andrew

PS- I can’t wait to see  their faces when they see that photo Mandi created of me.  I think this is even better than emailing it to them.  Now I’ll see their expressions when they find out what I’d look like if I aspired to be Gene Simmonds!

Dear Father,

Please help me with my anger.

Love,

Andrew

Dear Father,

Thank you for getting me back to Dyeland for tonight.  I would have hated to miss Rose’s party at the Cafe.  I don’t like missing any of the important events in their lives but birthdays seem especially bad to miss.  I hope she enjoys what I got her.  Both the serious gifts and the Jumbo Bejeweled AOD Age Determination Calculator.  I told her she could shorten the name as she saw fit.  0;-)

It’ll be nice to spend the night back in my own bed but I am anxious to get back to the shelter, too.   Bright and early tomorrow morning, right?  A family arrived this afternoon that I hope I can check in with at breakfast.  I know a lot of people there are depressed and frustrated but I sense more going on with the H—– family.  Please help me to know what I need to do and say to help them.

I think Lulu’s finished outside so I’m going to head back to the Cafe and spend some more time with everyone.  Thanks again, Father.

Love,

Andrew

Dear Father,

I’m still thinking about my last assignment.  I hope Trevor’s recovery is going well.  I also hope his parents learned something.  Pushing a kid too far can have tragic consequences.   This time their son survived and I hope there’s not a next time.

Now here I am in Oregon.  You sent me from the baseball field to the library.  Big switch.  0;-)  I’m having a better time here, I have to say.  Five year olds begging me to read about Clifford or the Very Hungry Caterpillar are a little easier to help than a high-schooler in self-destruction mode.  It does me good to see such happiness and kids so happy to learn.  Thanks for bringing me here.

Thank You also for promising me I’ll be back in Dyeland by Monday.  I’m looking forward to the dance and party on Tuesday night.   Nine years.  Thank You for each one.

Dear Father,

So now I’m an assistant baseball coach?  It was quite a change to go from the laidback friendliness of the Cafe in Dyeland to a high school pep rally.  But I think I’m going to enjoy this assignment.   Although next time something during football season might be nice.  0;-)

Even though I think this could be a lot of fun, I’m already concerned.  I’m afraid one of the players is getting pushed too hard by his parents.  Is he why I’m here?  If he is I hope I can find the words to help him rediscover the joy of simply playing the game and his parents the joy of simply loving their child.  And all of them the joy that comes from knowing You love us.

Love,

Andrew

Dear Father,

I guess I’ve gotten too used to emails.  It started to seem odd typing to no one in particular.  So I decided I’d write You on this blog.

I’ve done a lot of thinking since the last time I wrote here.

The week leading up to Valentine’s Day made me realize even more how much Dyeland has come to mean to me.  I loved having a chance to talk with so many of my friends about such a great topic: love.

Of course, there was the forged letter (not) from Laja.  I think it made me aware of more things than I realized at first.  I felt hurt when I read it and I know no one would be surprised by that.  But there was another feeling that did surprise me.  I don’t know how to explain it.  I felt like something I had counted on was snatched away.  That’s when I realized how much I’ve been depending on my friends.  It felt like those last few days with Monica but… more.  Things were changing and I didn’t like it and I wondered what would be taken away next.  Part of me wanted to go Home because You never change and I know You always love us.  But another part of me wanted to stay in Dyeland then more than ever to enjoy whatever time I have with Rose and Yva and Lady Beth and Countess Jennifer, Adam, Henry, Tess, Willy, Nigel, and everyone else.  So I did.  Rose and Yva made me feel better.  So did interviewing the next few people, even if they didn’t know what was going on.  Then Laja came back and with the story about Eli and Sophia.  So now everything is great.  At least I hope it is.  Everyone seems happy.  But I feel different.  Good but different.

But since You have me starting a shift at 4:00 AM I should get some rest.  0;-)

I’ll talk to You again soon.

Love,

Andrew

I told Tess I’d take some time to think about that week.  So many people have offered to listen to me but as of yet I haven’t known what to say.

Watching someone die… violently and painfully… it’s never easy.  And when it’s by the hand of someone they love?  It’s unbearable.   Even knowing Dawn’s in Heaven and knowing her mother has found some peace, those memories still replay in my mind at times.  But I can feel the Father’s peace and love and that always pulls me back.  And my friends pull me back.

Seeing Monica again was good.  But it made me think, too.  I miss working with her and Tess.  I miss the closeness we shared.  I miss discussing our assignments and sneaking in cups of coffee or frappuccinos.  Mostly I miss the company.  I’ve always known God is always with me but during that assignment in Missouri I realized that I don’t work alone.  I still work with other people.  Laja was right when she said that, after they’ve gone Home, they’ll still be in my heart.  But she projected it too far into the future.  They’re already there.   No, not in the same way as Monica and Tess used to be.  But they are there.

Wow.  It’s been quite a few days since I got back to Dyeland.  I don’t think I’ve had more than a few minutes at a time to myself.  I haven’t minded it.  I missed everyone so much.  But I think now I’ve more than made up for the days I was away!  Since I missed caroling we had some karaoke at the Cafe last night.  It was awfully funny.  I don’t think I’ll soon forget our group rendition of “I Want to Know What Love Is.”

Tomorrow morning I’m leaving for an assignment again.  I think everyone feels a lot better about my going to Missouri, though, than they did Iraq.  I’m going to be a staff psychologist at a hospice.  I’m not sure of much more than that but the Father says I’ll be there for a few weeks.  I’m not too worried about leaving here, though, because He also said I’d be able to stop in often during those weeks.  I’m thankful to Him for giving me the time in Dyeland He does.  I used to only be concerned about the impact it had on the people there when I’d disappear for weeks at time.  But now I realize it impacts me, too.  Sometimes I can’t believe how much like Home it seems.

I’m going to see if anyone else is up for another round of ice skating.

I wonder if I’ll ever get used to having a lowercase home?  It’s really great.

When I got back to Dyeland I didn’t feel like talking about what happened the last few days but I think I need to.  Laja suggested I reclaim this blog but move it into private mode.  So I did.  I know I’ll still keep up with my real journals but sometimes this will be easier.

Coming back to Dyeland after an assignment is always a great experience for me.  I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I find myself comparing it to when I’d show up during an assignment with Monica and Tess.  I know I shouldn’t have taken it personally but sometimes the disappointment on their faces hurt.  I know I made the same expression when I was a caseworker and saw Adam or another angel of death.  I regret that.  But with Dyeland… it’s a whole different ballgame.  Instead of bracing myself to see that look, I end up physically bracing myself for a massive, running start hug.  It’s great.   I’m very, very thankful the Father brought me here.

Sometimes I think He had other ideas in mind, too.  Getting to know the people here has made me a better angel.  Being their friend has prepared me for some of my assignments.  My most recent one was working at a clinic specializing in treatment of people with eating disorders.  It’s not that I was ever insensitive about the topic.  At least I hope I wasn’t.  I don’t think any angel, especially an angel of death, can be.   But it’s different when you’ve personally felt that anger and frustration and worry and you’re trying to make sense of the fact that you love this person so much but they just can’t seem to see it.  Or you wonder if they do see it but it’s just not enough.  Then you begin to realize that nothing you do or say can save them if they won’t save themselves. Then you feel helpless.  And you start to get angry at them.  I hope those memories and those old feelings helped me to help the patients and their loved ones.

Father, I’m so thankful that right now everyone here seems to be doing pretty well.  Please keep them safe and thanks for bringing me back here.

Hello everyone,

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I wrote here. I’ve been busy and when I did write it was letters and emails. But I thought it worth noting here that I’ve at least temporarily inherited JABB. Jenni needs some time to think about things. She had poor LJA absolutely devastated. I don’t think I’ll ever get my blue flannel shirt back from her now. Oh well I prefer my gray one.

I spent part of this morning adding new content to JABB. I wasn’t sure what to do with the site. I don’t feel comfortable writing about myself as much as Jenni and her friends wrote about me. I hope what I’ve done is OK. If not I guess she can fix it when she returns from the Netherworld. I’ve just never run into someone running their own fan club so I’m not sure what to do. It would seem wrong for me to write something like “Top Ten Reasons We Love Andrew.”

I better go check on Lady JenniAnn and see how she’s doing. Maybe she and some of the other Dyelanders will help me. Although maybe it’s best I don’t try to co-write another story with LJA. I find it tedious to dwell on my, uh, “studly arms.”

I’m write more once things settle down here.

Your friend,

Andrew